I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
