I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
