Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
