i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize