Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
