if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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