The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
