So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize