please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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