We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
