y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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