Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i dont even know how to be here
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize