"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
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