Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Randomize
