I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
