I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
