Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Randomize
