I could have mohawked her pubes.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
