You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Randomize
