Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
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