please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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