just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
