i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
