I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
