I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
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