God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I looked at my own cervix.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
