I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize