so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i drank out of a bidet.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
