i just wanna soil my oats bro
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
