I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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