Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
