i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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