someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize