i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
