Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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