What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
