You just made me feel so damn special
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
