I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
