i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
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