Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I see more hoeing in ur future
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