dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
