go do what you do best...puke behind churches
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
lets start a swedish sibling band together
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
