I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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