you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
