I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
