the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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