I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
