The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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