it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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