Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
