he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
