fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
My vagina is very pro this idea
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
