when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
I think im going to throw up on grandma
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
