So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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