whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
