I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
