I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
thus making me awesome and them whores
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
