there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
