Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
