You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I want to make a zoo with you.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize