yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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