Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
