i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
