phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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