Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
ok first of all what the fuck
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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