We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
