Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
