She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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