Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
