i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
