He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
God I need to hump something, right now.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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