When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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