Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
