I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
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