i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
